this place is my intoxication

jus,too hot.

2008-08-15T00:21:00.000-07:00

what is wrong with the country it's jus too hot!!
i'm about to head out to study yet again,feelg very grouchy today actually.
don really wanna head out. =(

hot hot hot hot hot
bye bye

1st one for 08

2008-08-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

67 Ford Mustang Shelby GT-500 2 fuck'n love this car so sexy hmmm yu-MA.
haha.i wanna do car like this as a tattoo.. =/ I WANNA OWN THIS SHIT !!!

chants* get rich,get rich.....

that pic up there is bev the only real person i know.as a friend la.

HV;AOIH;OHW;OGHWA;OH

08 so far thru alr and this is the 1st time i'm posting shit.

hmmmmmmmmmm.

today,stayed in the whole day sutdyg and on the lap top..waited for casey to head home from some sch thingy but she got back damn late so didn meet.met up with bev and had stingray lala kangkong and rice.yummm haha.

fuckg dunno how to do this blog thing alr...so weird type out shit and put up.HAHA

ANYWAY,talkg to bev now fuckg 4.48am have to wake up later at 1030.grrr.anyhow,we smoked talked abit i saw the new stuff before that at ambush..i think two shirts are nice.don have pic thou so nvm....actually never thought i'd like anyth from there cause everytime i saw someth from there it was always too loud for me.but now when i look,actually quite nice!but i only like OF and maybe the other brand i think it's called obesity and speed.ya that's what it's called..nice.

body pain =(

hungry =(

want to smoke.. =D

don think i'l ever quit smokg cannot even breathe porperly still feel like i need to smoke.so shit.

bye bye

i go sooooooooooot

i never knew, how

2007-11-19T20:22:00.000-08:00

i haven been here for so long i've somewhat given up on this place..this is why i'm putting my feelgs here.my only intoxication,a good thing to me right now.

loving you,is what i was tryg to do.

i've had rought weeks along the way since the last time i came here..which was july..how many months have passed and so have many other things.people i hang out with have changed too,my relationship has gone thru alot birthdays have passed,how weird is this?the year is coming to an end and i haven done much to make a difference in my own life..but i think i've helped in alota other things not pertaining to me. it's good to know that i've grown-ish. leanr alot about commitment,about my job..and about myself. well,i guess i have accomplished stuff for me. =) someth to celebrate to!haha.

(violin plays) if you could return,dont let it burn,dont let it fade.
i'm missing you,i'm such a fool for you
you got me wrapped ard your finger..do you have to let it linger?

friends always come and always go.
live for yourself and stay true to the person you know you are.

i miss simran.
like,alot.
i miss bev =/

i miss YOU.
why?because things fall apart so easily..you know,it is hard.for me..and it's not that i dont want to let you in,i'm fearful of pain..some ppl say they grow numb to it.but i'm not them,i'l never grow numb to your actions..you and only you know the complexity of the situation,i really wish you didn get angry at me and call me names then,but i meant it when i said if that's what you want you can jolly well go,have it. make yourself happy,at the expense of someone elses feelgs.but isn that so cruel?i never want you to be sad or to know you'r cryg and hurtg,this is why i've kep quiet for as long as i can..but yesterday,i remembered so much.and i cant imagine how it must'v felt for you then.you know this is your fault but you'r gonna have to change.i miss you so much you know?but this doesn mean i'm gonna give in to everyth,i'm not.this time,i've decided i wont.i will do what i want.you'r given time.i want the change to be permanent.you'r right,when you said "i know you think i'm jus throwing my words," exactly what i was thinkg. and "but i really mean it and i will show you" now doesn that sound familiar?now i know how you felt exactly.
but know what's so funny?i'm in love with you and i love the way you are.always.
so let's get this over and done with then we can start being normal.

still,always and forever.
i will see beauty from pain.

sometimes i feel like i'm slipping away

makes ME wonder.

2007-07-04T19:40:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel like it's impossible to be able to ____ you.
you'r never happy. you always want more than you'r already getting.things ppl cannot give to you.why is it some ppl are like never satisfied. why?what makes your life like that? =(

everyth that surrounds me now makes me sad.and i thought i could learn to understand.but sometimes it's so hard to understand things that everyone else seems to not understand aswell,which means.i dunno.i'm not even making sense now. is anybody here?everyth's a mess all over again.you keep trying to pick up pieces of broken whatevers you'l never get better.the more i hold on to someth the harder it is to let go.how?

how!? *&^%$#@!

so come

2007-06-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

You're so solid,it burns inside of me.

haha,i think we had fun going there..i went to trance with puff nat and vans..geeez!killer!it was nice but there was this ah beng there.HAHA.who gives?nvm.

oh well.i'm bored..at work.was fuckg cranky this morng.. =/ i'm sorrry to whoever i pissed off.oh well.doesn matter now.

love,you know. <3 forever always.and ever after! =))

ah!5:26pm..GOOOOD.back to work. FUCKED UP.

radiohead

2007-05-27T04:42:00.000-07:00

Drying up in conversation,you'll be the one who cannot talk.
All your insides fall to pieces,you just sit there wishing you could still make love.

don't leave me high,don't leave me dry.

so,i'v been at work..and today's sunday..so it's rest day..i'm not having all that great a day.and i'm not really bothered i dunno why.i'm supposed to get outta here soon to meet _____.i honestly am kinda upset..here i was having a problem and there she was out with a bunch of ppl who couldn decide where to go and all that.but you know what?i'v been thinking bout it and actually,i guess i jus miss her so much i jus want to be with her all the time.

you'r the best,forever.
i cant stop thinking bout you leaving..i dunno what my life'l be like with you out there so far from me..it's not even mins..it's days away from me,me going there,i'l lose one day there..you coming,same same.i wish i could take you and jus get away..i know if i had the resources i could!!!but i dont. =( yesterday's conversation made me think..so much.i want everyth good..and i know you do too.one step at a time?you know,i love you more than anyth or anyone ever..and whatever happens,you know i'l always be here for you.i promised before,i'l still keep to it. =) <3

this is NOT

2007-04-16T11:04:00.000-07:00

i dunno,i love you.i know that's for sure..i dunno why i jus had to see it.i dunno why i stumbled apon it.. =( i really dont blame you this is entirely me!that's the thing..i love you more than you know.and i promise to be faithful to you,and give you everyth you need and try to the best of my strength to provide you with as much as i possibly can.you know that.i'm sorry..i need time off.i need to sort myself out again..cause i'm being screwed by this one thing.jus this one thing..i'm jealous when i see that.i know it's so far away from now but what can i say?lookg at it,it takes me back to that time..and you know what?i jus had to be stupid and look at the date,right?stupid fuck.I HATE HIM.i hate all this.i'm sorry..!!!!!I'M SORRY........i wish you were here to help me forget..can you jus erase that part of the memory in my brain and trash it?please?

jus promise me one thing.one thing only..don do that to me again please?please.i'm on my knees.

it's break'g my heart.is he everyth you wanted?now you know why i compare.do you?
please.ahhhh.i dunno.

goodnight.

getting it

2007-04-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

your voice,was the soundtrack of my summer..do you know you'r unlike any other..you'l always be my thunder.your eyes are the brightest of all the colours,i don ever wanna love another. =)

today is a winding road,tell me someth ...... baby bring on the rain

you know,i know you'r fast asleep..here i am..lifeless but i cant seem to get to bed..need a smoke!!no,actually i jus need to fall asleep i know..fall asleep beside you,how you tuck yourself in..so cute.i love you so much..although so many things are so hard..i hope everyth's better..sorry i was really mean to you and threw you aside so many times! =( but i hope all in all,you'v had a good holiday seeing me everyday ! wasn it good?we had so much fun out at f bar drinking and getting piss high and carrying you and jumping ard in the club,right till fightg cause i left you all alone at moX2 haha,i'm sorry.to staying over and sneakg in and chi new year drinking and walkg ard like fools..you make me feel the best times of my life are only with you..always.going thru how i felt so mean for jus pushing you all the time,thank you for your patience and going thru everyth with me no matter how long it took. LOWE YOU!

why do all good things?

2007-04-08T10:05:00.000-07:00

I wanted you to know,i love the way you laugh..i wanna hold you high and steal your pain,away.

i feel like i'm losing it it's jus going away from me i cant concentrate on what i'm supposed to do what i want with me i jus know i want everyth to be alright..i really cannot do this like this i cannot go on like this it's killing me not being the best i can be to you.do i need to fade away from everyth for you to understand that i would give up anyth and everyth to be with you and jus be happy being by you and.. i dunno jus everyth.we don see eye to eye on alot of things almost everyth.i know,you'v given up so much for me and i'm sorry i think i made you do that..i'm sorry you lost what you had jus to be with me and i didn do the same.my life is about you it's about how i can please you make you happy but seems to me you cant be happy with the way i am now.guess i'm jus not good for you not good enough for you i cant please you i cant make you happy i jus keep doing things that upset you i hate myself so much for that but i dunno how i cant fix it i dunno how i can make it better i suck at this please help me please help me see that as long as i love you and you love me we can make it work.i can make it work i can turn my wrongs into rights i cant fix myself bbeing a fucked up girlfriend to you i want to know i can do things right cause if i cant do this right i don think i can for anyth.really.i jus need to know i can.i jus need it.i need you i cannot stay this way i'm dying.

baby i love you.
i do.

seven years

2007-04-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

Taking on seven years the holy ghost had left alone test my arms, kick like crazy.
I've been trying way too long only push the way off to fight you
Now I'm sorry,I'm sorry,I'm not sure..getting off my chest
the story ends.

i watch her take off her shoes,
this could be so obvious to you.

sometimes it's like i'm tryg to reach you but you know,i cant reach that far.

rozanne's place..before that went to church at three with mel and hung out in town with doof,boz,geri..brendan vans and mel..had fun =) stayed at roz's place =))
hurrrrrrrrrrr.

very tired of you watchg my back..keep creeepg up behind me.ARGH.
bitch i'm very sick of hearg you be mean and findg fault in me.

and you,clash clash clash.
i dunno.
but i love.all the same.

velvet

2007-02-08T19:36:00.000-08:00

a long way down the road,
i walk and run i'v always tried to fly,
everyone has fallen before but how is it i fall and can never seem to finally pick myself up totally,until today.

finally,my road changed,we will have a different say,
someth strange and new's happeng.
with you,it's the best i'v ever had in life.

i'm planng to keep it this way.
the beginning.
with no end in sight.

SO,o's results coming out todayyy.i'm gonna die cause i'm soooooooooo anxious!and i cant wait to get my results!i know i need to jus chill,i want to smoke and make me all better and relaxed.haha..anyways,enough bout that.past week,i'v been having hell alota fun!went to fashion bar and hung out with charles some dude from.....INDIA.hahaha.yes,and chilling out with bev and spendg time with everyone who's clever knows who!very very, BEAUTIFUL!

soon soon.
scram!

i love lookg into your eyes,
being by your side,
falling asleep with you,
seeing you in the dark.
everyth bout you so so perfect in my eyes.

this place?

2007-01-22T23:52:00.000-08:00

Crack's healing up
phuture soul forgive this mess.
You wait twenty years..
And wind up alone,demented.

i dunno why they keep going crazy over small things and not try and see from my point of view.they'r jus too bloody old to even think!small things you wanna make a big fuss outta.big things you ignore..hmm.and now i'm being punished for no good reason.why?
-
Watching our flash backs intertwine,memories i will never find.
So i'll love whatever you become,forget the reckless thing we'v done.
I think our lives have just begun..

ok one other thing that keeps bothering me.___ has someth to saybut doesn wanna say it and when anyone else is ard ___ still wont say it so it's annoyg the shit outta me and making me very irritated.i know i should be nice bout it and patient.but i don see a need to behave this way.as in,it's making me feel very wrong.don you think if someone had someth to say to someone else,they should jus come right out with it?maybe take time to find the right words but still,not let the person know you have someth to say and act damn weord and make it so so bloody obvious..and then later,my fault.so if you'r reading this,and i know you probably might..i hope you know that i don want to hear what you have to say anymore.and quite franky,if you wanna be like cold to me and shit,then it's not my fault..cause we know that the past few days i'v been tryg to be as understandg and nice as i can.

i want it now,give me your heart and your soul.

fumbling

2007-01-18T21:24:00.000-08:00

if i shed a tear i won't cage it.i won't fear love.
and if i feel a rage i won't deny it.

funny how i thought i wouldn feel a thing..so weird how i expect to be ok and my stupid itchy self jus had to poke ard..and now it's stuck in my head.this picture of ...i don even know what i should be feelg.

Would your eyes like midnight fireflies light up the trenches where my heart lies until I can see again to find my way back again.

fuckg sucks.
what rage and hurt and confusion i feel over someth so small as this?i think i have had too much to hold in that it's been killing me,and to let it out in rage isn an answer,so i keep to myself.and it comes out at times i find so odd.i'm sorry it upsets you,but it comes out when i don expect it.

summer love

2007-01-16T03:17:00.000-08:00

so you can set down,say your name girl.
tell me where you'r from
what you do and what you like.
now how'd you get that pretty little face on that pretty little frame girl?

this jus cant be summer love you'l see.

sometimes it's funny how i always think you are what you portray yourself to be..but are you?cause when you tell me the truth then i see you from a very different light.and it's damn scary!and funny how i never knew it could hurt you so much.to me,it was someth so small.but to you?it was like a bomb jus came crashing on your head and nobody knew it other than you and now,i think i have a rough idea of how you feel.i'm sorry you feel that way.i really am.

anyhow,the year has been coming along better than i expected it to be in quite a few ways..i'm very happy i get to hang out with bev and laura.i'm glad i'v got a job that i'm happy with..ok not damn happy but at least i have a job and it pays right?yea.
so things haven been going along the way i wanted it to..and i'v been having problems with ______.seriously,what i do is my business,and you'r not a part of my life anymore so please lave,you can have your stuff i don give a fuckg shit.bout you,and your life. your things,can leave.along with you.thank you very much.and please,don try and use other people to threaten me,cause you know damn well i'm not scared.so whatever you have,bring it on.don think i forgot what has happen before.you'r a capable BITCH.haha.

stayalongsideme,
i love you

chemicals react.

2006-11-28T10:08:00.000-08:00

you make me feel,
out of my element.
like i'm walkg on broken glass.

both of us broken.

well well,let's see,i didn do much today.yesterday mel and i decided to pop by laura's place,we ended up at the coffee shop for awhile and then back to watch the L word!haha,it's damn funny and really hot too!we watched it till like ep 7?yeaa.had fun catchg up with them cause mel jus got back from m'sia!yea mannnnnnnnnnn!oh,we ended up gg to happy days to play pool with rai,and then i won!so i got a mug of beer!hahaha!one game on beer i think they would'v shot me dead!HAHA,so i tried the new tiger beer.actually,it's not very new!but but but..it's the 0 degrees one!so cooool!!!so freshhhhhhh!omg i'm craving for it again!HAHA.oh well.it was fun!let's seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.today today.woke up hella early to go over to laura's,had pancakes for breakfast!(omg i can make em!so coool)and then mel and rai came over and we continued to watch the L word..haha.was fun!i kep playg with laura's new kitten..i named him fuzz at first.so cuteeeeee!then i was like no,call it pussy.HAHA..then laura and i laughed like hell!but we'r used to callg him puss now.no pussy,no fuzzy.haha.we ate hell alot today!as usual!i think i go to all these houses of ang moh mix asian blooooooood ppl,i'l jus gain ALOT of weight!HAHA.

so after,like at 3,i left to hang out with christ knows who and christ knows who's friend.HAHA,anyways,we went to eat eat eat!subway,then i wanted laksa!but,settled for coffee bean instead.haha..i had fun =) with the ice cream and the park.althou i was a stupid ass and decided to play until i felt like pukg!HAHA.but thank you for caring with everyth you'v done.you always know how to make me feel better.

"waitg for you,
________________ "

yea?good.

"please,come in and ____ with me"

fill me in,one second.

"out loud now."

in my place,these lines i will trace.

gasolina!

2006-11-26T10:00:00.000-08:00

damn all the small ones.
damn all the liars.
damn all the poeple who love backstabbing.
damn all the twisted souls!

every moment,in a storm.
i have to try,beautifully broken and i don mind if you know it.

went out to starbucks and watched some movie..i cant remember what it's called..stiff hood?red hood?some twisted show!ok first i watched..the hills have eyes.omg!so SICK.ok i watched half of it yesterday but you know,today i finished watchg it,omg omg omg!so stupid..but very funny in a ..sick way?HAHA.then i watched that show.damn i really dunno what it's called.nevermind.it's damn twisted!bout this 14 year ol' girl who met this 30 year ol' guy,and like,she's got this inpression he's a crazy pedophile!(is that how you spell it?haha)and like she made him think she cut his dick off!and like,she drugged him!and in the end!I CANT SAY IT.but it's damn twisted!!!omg man.hahahaha.oh YA,hard candy! go check it out at video ezy if you can man..hell.killer show,it's hot shit thou!!!!!

there's this thing,it's been botherg me for a damn long time alr..but i cant seem to figure it out!damn annoyg!makes me feel like someth's amiss,but i dunno what it is!killer head man..and i know sometimes i can be damn sensitive,but sometimes i cant help it..it's jus the way i respond..!who cares,i think i'l jus let it pass..cause i really cant seem to put a finger as to what it is!how annoyg!

the worst is over now,
and we can breathe again.
i wanna hold you high and steal my pain away.
there's so much left to learn,
and no one left to fight.

cause i'm broken when i'm open
and i don feel right when you'r gone away.

fuckg fuck fuck fuck

2006-11-24T09:11:00.000-08:00

fuck bitch.
fuckg fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

you can jus fuck off now.you'r so fuckg annoyg!what the fuck is wrong with you?I'M NOT HERE TO FIGHT WITH YOU !

aARGHHHHHHHH!!!!

birthday

2006-11-22T10:08:00.000-08:00

i'm wicked and i'm lazy.
oh dont you wanna save me.

noth in this world can stop this tonight,
i can do what she can do so much better.
noth in this world can turn out the light,
i'm gonna make you feel alright tonight.

never be,
you know,i'm right.

so so.it's over!i went to MOS yesterday..at first my freinds were sayg it was damn screwed up and all that..but i wanted to go down and see for myself!!AND,it wasn!i actually had quite alot of fun..bumped into gerlynn and wei and vic and all my other friends..drank wine and some rum..and then!i saw _____, my gooooodness.SPOIL my moood.ughhhh!whatever,i think i gave ____ a good nudge.HAHA.oh hell,like i care.hahaha,it's jus rageee!!!HAHA.

ROAR.

anyways,i had a good time =))
havent really been enjoyg the holidays..i'm jus hella tired everyday.haha,and my job got screwed..well,they told me it's cause i cant speak chi.HAHA.ok,whatever you guys say man..that's what i was thinkg..oh goodness i'm so sleepy now.

c'mon baby we aint gonna live forever.
let me show you

the feel of your hand,

2006-11-16T22:57:00.000-08:00

makes me tremble.
and i can say i wouldn wanna let go..

You and i,i don't know how i could have fallen so deep cause you weren't here to wipe all my tears
erase it from my memories,
i don't want to care.

look back,
and watch me.

such funny ways,

2006-11-15T09:01:00.000-08:00

what's funny?it's the fact you can still speak to me,and i know i'm not supposed to,but i feel stuck.how come i feel it was never complete?it's so weird!i thought i'd be ok..but somehow,i feeel lost inside.and you know what's funny?you of all people know i dont show it.and i know i wont.but it would be nice if you could read me like you used to..how weird is that? =/

what's gone is gone.
what's past,should jus leave and have no trace.
but drips of your blood,
small sums of your scent.
still instilled in my body.
as it will always be.

i had two papers today..hella tring.but i'm glad i got to see my duffus after =) was nice..i met mel at gardens to get the honey stars kid her pore pack.see,i do care.how can you say i dont.watch what you say please.you really are oblivious sometimes. =( !? well,we kinda went all over cause i was super tired..but still,i said i'd do it.and i did it.i hope you'r appreciative.you'r quite pampered i realise..to some extend.yes?yes.i think so..anyways,so mel and i got caught in the bloody rain,which decided to come down real hard on us!WHY.i dunno..so we cabbed home.then my exams.then my duff head,study study.dinner dinner..home =)

so here i am,and you'r over the phone studyg cause you'v got a test on friday.please do well..i hope you'r quiet cause you'r concentratg,and not falling asleep.haha! love you.

you'r drifting,the sun comes up.
you'r fading,you seem so far,
i dont know if i'm awake,
open my eyes and then we kiss.

upfront

2006-11-12T09:09:00.000-08:00

and then we kiss your love comes alive on my lips i feel a rush coming over me, over me and when we touch this moment when everything's still i close my eyes and then we kiss.

" To chris:I know we haven?t spent time with one another,Even the conversations are getting shorter.I wan things to be as they were,Before u had ya school.I hate your school.It takes up so much of ya time.To you I always do love u,And im always here for u. "
timan,this was the nicest thing you said..was awhile ago.remember? =)

o's are ending sooon!i cant wait..want to work..want to earn money!and party party with everyone i love!hurry hurryyy!today's really nice..i left kinda late..but i got there,and i had a great time.as short as it seeemed..it was the whole bloody day!

our hearts beating fast
and my body cries
i want it to last,it's burning inside

but,i miss you so.i rang you this morning..guessing you were asleep..i must'v been right!
oh i love you so.jus look in my eyes they'l tell you so.
you can say anyth you want to,no stress i'l understand you =)

kiss,goodbye

2006-11-08T08:20:00.000-08:00

So i play along when i hear that favourite song,i'm gonna be the one who gets it right.
you better know when you're swinging round the room,
look's like magic's solely yours tonight.

what's given,i cant take back.
but what's mine,i wouldn give away.
everytime we leave,everytime we kiss goodbye.
i realise,i understand deeper.what i'm to know.
it's jus a hole..

this is so funny..i'm listeng to all the music i would never listen to ever!and it sets me thinkg bout you..i never thought i could be like this,never thought i could do all this..it's weird.feels far..and i do miss the late night hang outs,the running away from roaches!haha!all those times,indeed,were one of the best times of my life. =)

special.spot spot.!
love love.
you !

in these words

2006-11-05T22:19:00.000-08:00

and i,never want to say goodbye,
but it's been hard.

silly silly timan.you know,saying,doing.sometimes..i dunno why.but they don go hand in hand?you know?anyways,i'm glad i saw you that day =) it was nice..haha.i didn see you at church thou!hmmmmm.

i'm all yours,
what'r you waitg for?

my math paper was today..wasn all that excited..i had a rough night.couldn really sleep..but i had noth much to do..study study.that's all that in my mind most of the time..how boring can that be?uhhhh.

Do you know what it’s like when it’s wrong,
but it feels so right?

"because the way we kiss is better than any drug.
because when i’m with you i believe in love"
"cause you take chances most people would never take,
you go out on a limb and you’re not afraid to break "

seems like yesterday,i didn know how hard i could even cry,and i didn even know to wipe the tears from my eyes.when i saw you like that,it tore me up inside..it gave me a pit in my tummy.i felt so fucked,reminded of my past.jus like a storm coming over to me.and i couldn get you outta my head,i couldn get you to stop.you jus went on..on about it.no matter how many times i get hit,it doesn matter.everyth has their highs and their lows..someone once told me..maybe this is the lowest you will go..but yesterday,i begged to differ.it felt so hard to leave you.with those eyes starg back at me..i didn know how else to tell you what was on my mind
it's over though,i'm glad i slep yesterday.i'm happy what's yesterday belongs there,stays there. =)
<3,you>

the best of me,
hopefully that's what you need.

i will always remember,

2006-11-01T23:03:00.000-08:00

i remember how you told me so,
i remember how you were oh so nice.

what i miss,
is how you promised so many times..how you kept sayg you'r so sorry.but yet you get so impatient.you know,you always want to know right away..you cannot wait.sometimes,the time's really not right.but you don get it..do you?you don even bother anymore.make no mistake,i'm not waiting up,i'm jus stuck in this place.i'm not perfect.you cant always scream at me,blame me for so many things.

you stay in my head,
i tried to.

these past two days,
you seem to have forgotten the things i helped you with.
you seem to not remember how i'm always here for you,
or do you know that alr that's why it's so easy for you to let me wait up?

i still hate those words
"anyth", "whatever" and "dont need"

i mean,fuck man,what is it?what is it you want from me now?i don even understand..you'r so sensitive now..i don get it already.now i think i understand..you got ______ you have found no need for _________ .

only almost here

2006-10-31T08:35:00.000-08:00

halloween's almost over.
not like it really matters..

well,you seem really mad.to not want to talk to me..i didn even wanna go =(
sometimes i really dont get it..am i really that blind??uhhhh.feel so sick inside,so small.all i want it to be ok.i don wan you to be upset anymore.so stop.cause i cant take it.

My dying prayer,sealed in a scream

Unwelcome,and a concious dream

Tonight I am myself again.I realise that I'm like this.when i look into my soul,i see a confused vessel there sitting even though i'm not under the influence of any substance for a shot.can you tell me why i feel like a see things in a blur?why does it feel like i'm being a sucker again?why do i always feel like it's not mine to hold,noth to say?i adore,i really do.but..why?how come i feel i'm a little late,that it crawls in my veins,but it doesn seem to visible to who i want it to?it's like having an illusion.

an empty room.
drives you crazy.

let's burn the picture in the frame.

chinese!

2006-10-29T21:31:00.000-08:00

i wanna give every part of you,
the attention it deserves.
i wanna take it slow,i want this to last as long as i breathe.

i dont want this to die.
dont ever want this night to end.

go find someone else,
i'm letting you go

had chi paper today..super tired..i slep thru both papers..haha.not entirly..but i left two questions blank.haha,noth much happend.oh well.boring day,i'm so tired i'm gonna sleep.!!! =(
where's my girl?i think you'r asleep,faster than me!thank you for the past few days..it's been really nice!but my exams are up..i hope i still get to hang out with you as much as we both want to?or try to yea?anyways..i'm gonna go rest.hope you guys like the template!

INVASION?HAHA!
thanks leen. =)

you'r graceful,
your grace falls.

you'r lovely,
your love leaves.

2006-10-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

this is an invasion by your bestfriendeileen. =)

these

2006-10-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

like the taste of your lips when i get to drink you in.
i will never leave this part of you.
this song jus plays on.

these days.
it's mom's birthday today..but she had a fight wih me cause she was being mean..and so i was out with duffus,and then my granduncle called..and scolded me?to say i should spend time with her..well,i did!by fighting.still spendg time.HAHA.doesn matter,my day turned out ok. =)

noth in this world could stop this tonight.
know this is for YOU.
thanks for everyth =)
you'r wonderful as always..
"sing me to sleep?"
"why not?"

you'r staring me down,a glance makes me weak.
now i'm twisted up,when i'm twisted with you.
brush so lightly,
and time trickles down and i'm breathing for two.
squeeze so tightly.

we'l dance inside the song.
each touch belongs to each new sound.

move down to me,slip into you.
she sings in my mind.

it's been long,hard

2006-10-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

it's been long hard days,
these past two.
and when i looked into your eyes,i thought everyth would be ok.

but then you got insecure,you brought up the past.i told you i'm sorry,i'm not like that anymore.how come it's so hard for you to understand.i made mistakes,you did too you know?you dunno what your words do to me.you think i can jus hold it in like that,when i try so hard.then i was an asshole,i know.but i'm not that way now..i'm tryg to make things right.and you wont take it,and say ok.

fuckg mother.makg everyone's life so annoyg.
fuck her.

I'm standing before you with this label on my head
i'm pleaading before you to understand,how much I adore you,
i'll be there till the end.
When everything falls down,Will you hold my hand?

she said,endlessly

2006-10-25T10:21:00.000-07:00

Do you think I’m faking when I’m lying next to you?
Do you think that I am blind,nothing left for me to lose?
Must be something on your mind,something lost and left behind.

some how,some things jus feel so different.jus feel so far apart.
noth seems to be the way that it used to,
everyth seems shallow,
god give me truth.

someday,i will understand.
but,maybe someday you be,
then you'l finally see.

dont run too fast,
listen to your tears,they'r all you'v got.

-
i'm sitting,here once again,not sure if i'm supposed to be happy cause i'm finally 18.or not.cause now,after my birthday,things start to open up.everyth starts to pass.how come it's so weird?grey shades of everyth.i don even know what you want from me anymore.i'm sick..and it's so annoyg!bloody.well,i hope you get well =)

"all i wanted,was to talk to you."
say,what?

watch,

2006-10-21T01:38:00.000-07:00

i'm falling out of style with the current way things are.
the things that make conforming hard i'm falling out of control and you just can't stop me now,
i'll fight as long as time allows

you look like you came,alone.without emotions,and so much space..out there without care,without a touch.like i didn care,does that mean i'm crazy?probably.
i remember.

i had a good night yesterday..although it didn consist of much..but i'm glad a saw you.although i was late..and you were high..AGAIN.but it's ok..freedom is given,freedom is taken.jus please take care of your body cause it's not good to drink so much.(although i do) but it's all good.the point is,i'm so happy i spend the night with you =)

"i'll break my heart in two more times than you could ever do cause you're my dream,
please come true"

what a boring saturday..with the fuckg weather so hot..killer.and i'm having a cough..which doesn make anyth better. =(

everybody feels a broken heart sometimes.right?
then why is it so hard to get up when you fall?
-

You're graceful,your grace falls,down around me in my eyes.
You're lovely,your love leaves,so easily in my eyes.

never take your eyes off me

2006-10-18T03:04:00.000-07:00

"I will wait for you."
so spoke,misery.

she wanted love,i taste of blood.
she bit my lip and drank my war from years before.

i've had a very exhausting week..my mom's been crazy everyday cause she's all stressed up..and as usual she's takg it out on all of us!WHY?i dunno!i really don wanna be bothered by her..she's irritatg the shit outta me all the time.and obviously my dad's irritated too.HA.what else..noth much actually.things happeng ard me..makg me stronger but weaker at the same time.what to do?got bloody practical tomorrow..SMACK THAT.

*
thank you.for everyth you'v done.for these past 4 months plus.you'v been very giving,yes.you'v been a very caring and offering to listen to all the times person.you'v been wonderful that's for sure.

a heart given,a whisper.
silence is where i found bliss.

-
I returned to you but found,My empty home.
The radio told me to stay.As it burned down i sang alone.
You will outlast my love.

what.now?

2006-10-15T00:32:00.000-07:00

bless,the broken road.
bless,the ones i love.
bless,my heart,her soul.

with so much to say,i'll be watching you walk away.
never knowg what could'v been,well i see that loving you.
that's why i'm tryg to do.

today's very dead.with alota complications..i dunno how come everyone's suddenly like that.i speak less for a week,and this is what happens to me.i know now,what really matters to me,and i shall return to that.to what i know best.simplicity.

cause,i'm being ignored.
so,it's my turn to get up.

days change

2006-10-13T21:53:00.000-07:00

Somebody falls in love,somebody breaks a heart.

I can see right through.the story is in your eyes,I know what they're saying.
There is no need for explaining.

It's like you can make up your mind,so are you stayg mad at me?or is this jus a phase AGAIN?cause please,stop being a jerk to me.i'v said my "sorry"s and you cant take it,you jus keep getting mad at me..you say things i know you mean.which are really hurtful,but does it even matter to you?you cant even go all the way for one thing.and it's my fault.it's either you go all the way for it,or noth at all.both ways.

-
your shattered ground,it ties me down cause there's no sun when you're around.
your righteous lies,you slip and slide.
now I want you to just fade out.

now's a good time,to waste the days away,
i think i feel much better when you'r around..but you'v seem to have vanished for really longs hours now..where'l i find you again?

strength of my life

2006-10-04T00:17:00.000-07:00

with such a trying time like this,
I go down on my knees and this is what I pray.

Strength of my life,whom shall I dread?
When them evildoers approach to devour my flesh,even if there would be an army against me,My heart would not fear.Take away the scales from my eyes.Anoint your love upon my life.Have mercy on my soul and hear me when I cry.Do not abandon me, and don't forsake me.

these fancy days

2006-10-03T09:33:00.000-07:00

Did you know,my sweet
That i once took the liberty of watching you in your sleep?
I rolled over and over trying to hold your hands underneath the sheets,
I just want you to know that every pool of water reminds me of you.
Is that alright?

i guess it is.

you know,sometimes you slip under,and you find things are always shitty,always not what you want them to be.then you think,i can blame this,i can blame that.but have you ever thought?it's jus you?i mean,you keep sayg no,but your answer's yes.you say yes,when you wanna say no.how come it's so hard to speak?

on my knees,
one last chance.
for one last dance.

i'd give all.
jus,dreamg.

-
you'r slipping.and know it.and it sucks =(
how?

timan,good luck for your paper tommorrow.
be goood!thanks for listeng to me whine bout silly things..hahaha.
love!

-

dale don dale!

We're going now'
cause,hey,this is it.This is where we are,out here where silence is.
Seventy miles an hour and the windows up tight,and i am home.

if it's alright,
i'l stay till late.
wait here till the day light.

this one's funny..

2006-09-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

it's like only one plus in the morng,lovely is out clubbing......i wish i could go!no,i have bloody exams! SHIT. haha,nah,i'm jus playg.hope they have fun with rozanne and all. =)

Ok,check this out.this is weird..but i was so bored i did it.HA

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable
At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty
You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it
Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

weirrrrrrrrrrrd.
i'm not cheap.
yes,i'm not.i think the rest of it has truth to it thou.

so,today's been really cold..i didn do much..ended up not eatg my oyster deal at chomp chomp..killer!but i had like this really long conversation with laura and all,it was so so funny!and they'r supposed to call me back like an hour or so ago..but i think they'r all asleep. haha,fatso.hahaha.so so bored at home..i cant to sleep althou i'm supposed to be.oh well,run over to the tv and check out what's nice right?NO,noth's nice right now..ok maybe there's someth that'l be interestg to my eyes and ears..haha.i'm so excited!i'm gonna watch miami vice later today! YAY!so i met matilda at 8 and we sat at coffee bean and jus talked and talked..and i said i was tired like 4 times..(i think she counted it..) and she was like AGAIN?AGAAAIN? AGAIN?haha,it was funny..then roy came over after work and we were laughing over the dumbest things!HA.oh well,it was fun.

anyhow,i miss timan!
haha,timan,good luck for your papers ogay? =D anyth you need help with or someth to want to whine bout you can always call me! =)) yes?i know you will..even if there's noth to whine bout,goood!haha.

bev,have fun with your suspensions..like i said,jus dont come back and hurt me with those things!haha.

never see you ard much,but that doesn mean you'r not on my mind.
you know it.and i do too.noth to hide =)
<3

What a beautiful smile,
Can I stay for a while?
on this beautiful night,we'll make everything right
My beautiful love

at the river.

2006-09-27T03:44:00.000-07:00

I am a mirror,with no reflection

I am a razor,without my blade.I am the daylight,when the moon shines now

Who will want to make my sandcastle thats already made?

all the time,all in this place.all soaked up,all the times you feel insecure,like i wont be there,i always am.i'm on the outside i'm lookg in,i see you,the real you.inside yo u'r so ugly.ugly like me.

all the dates are crashing in,all the moods are swinging down,we'r all going down,facing what we hate the most.EXAMS.so irritatg!it's wed..zouk zouk!bloody o's..HURRY UP AND GET AWAY.haha.

at the river-chillout sessions.

beautiful!

useless

2006-09-26T08:44:00.000-07:00

Speak to an ear deaf to my voice.Look through your fear,still blind to my ways.
I reach to hold you,but i dont feel you there,do you
even realise im here am i just wasting away?
No,wasting away.Living,inside you play

i'm all yours,what'r you waitg for?

-
i'm so bored at home..i cant wait to have holidays..not fair,how come bev's having holidays!DAMN.hahaha,exams exams.i hate school shit.it's dumb.it should die!i hate,that our schedules keep f***g clashing!!!WHY WHY WHY????it's not fair i tell you!damn,holidays,please come.london,stay away from her.she's stayg right here with ME.you hear?hahaha,ok i'm being an idiot.
i dont really have anyth to say..talkg to bev online,she looks so damn skinny!

timan!
hopefully you read this,thanks for my pen! =D
YAY.good luck for your exams..and tell stupid sefton i say HI,and that roy and i will kill her when we see her!HAHA.love =)

this place,indeed is my intoxication.
intoxicated by you. <3

call me when you'r sober

2006-09-23T12:37:00.000-07:00

In deceit,disbelief,they're laughing.
As we faint in these houses burning down,in the smoke and the heat we're gasping for a breath of some fresh air in this town.

So save for me,the pleasantries.How pathetic this must sound,to patiently still be craving a taste of the good life in this town.

someth's they'l jus never be found.
somethings will jus never solve,never go away.
it didn die,
we jus never gave it a chance to grow.

without lifting a finger,
this was one thing to hold me back.
you affect the things i do.

sometimes i don't understand.
but when you hold me,i know i do.

this place,i havent seen

2006-09-11T02:29:00.000-07:00

haven't seen you in a day,and it's already driving me crazy.
haven't received your text,i'm missg this badly.
but,everytime we'd try someth,i'd bruise when you get close to me.when you hold me,i choke.but at the same time,somehow this heartache is what keeps you close to me.

does this even make sense?NO.
and you know what else is funny?
i love this feelg.
losing,learng,i'm yearng for you.
but will you jus come closer and touch me?jus one time.

-
bloody exams are so close..i hardly use the computer at all..so shitty.i cant wait for it to be over!YAY.anyways,i haven't been doing much these months,days.whatever.i don't even know when was the last time i blogged.so many thigs have changed..and my life's been ups and downs.real fast ones..sometimes i dont understand why it's so,but then i jus learn to accept

i'm off/.

never leave

2006-07-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

She like a pooker.
She holy roller,love me like a song.
She like a lightning,she roller coaster,'til the break of dawn
She like a shadow..she all around me,nasty hearted dream
She got the sexy,she do it to me,wake me when i scream.

went outafter doing alot..i woke up hella early..had durian.HAHA.
OH MY,i feel like eatg it again..hahahaa.

ok actually i dont really feellike blogging my mother's bein a crazyyy biatch as usual.got stupid tuition on thursday.accounts..IN THE MORNING.

never leave,
write me up a song with your sincere words.
with someth to hold on we slide thru this time together,
my sunshine.
my princess.

i jus wanna look at you

2006-07-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

I just want to look at you all day
There ain't nothing wrong, no. There aint nothing wrong with that.
Once you to seep in under my skin,there's nothing in this world that could wash you away.

i was out the whole day yesterday..and now i'm hella tired.and!i think my parents are gonna screw me cause i got back at like 4 in the morning..ok i think i should start studyg harder!i kep fallg asleeeep!stupi volcanos..SO BORING.

i met simran that day..was fun =) thanks.i like hanging out with you and talkg shit..haha,it's always nice.although you whine alot.i dont mind.haha.
UH OH.i jus pressed some button now i only see stupid blogspot..shit.oh hell.

i'm bored boredd.i think i'm gonna read thru some of my notes..gonna try and finish stupi volcanos.haha.

someth' bout you,
that's got me thinkin' bout nobody but you.

i dont want nobody baby,
but you.

a day after,

2006-07-14T00:04:00.000-07:00

Now I find that I am weaker fare,that I am ashamed of lying.
I know things never feel the way that's right inside
And I am afraid of dying.

hella tired.
dranks with vans and my goofball yesterday.
well actually..i..wait i cant really remember what happend yesterday.ah,fuck it whatever.we had fun thou..hahahah.blood vans tryg to be funny..whatever.

i had chi oral yesterday..bloody pei cai..!HAHA.
anyways,it went better than i expected so thank you god,thank you dough.haha.thanks baby.thanks to everyone who tried to help me out.hahaha.thank you vans!HA.you know what you did!

i like the way it was given to me.
so lovely,like pictures we all see..we seem to get lost in them,
lost in time.

the vert

2006-07-11T09:23:00.000-07:00

You see everything,you see every part
You see all my light,and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here.

finally it's back..bloody monitor was killing me.
anyways,i haven been up to much lately..talkg to smelly simran on the phone.HAHAHA.this is funny..

i'v been having noth but wonderful days with you.
i wish we coul be like this..i like bumming with you,i like laughing my ass off and making fun of you and helpg you out with everyth. =))

the exams are coming!
and it's late.i'm tired.

dough dough.you have to keep strong ok?i'l help you out you know =))
see you soon!

watchg my days go by,

2006-06-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

been thinkg bout you.
sitting away,watchg the days go by.
it makes me tremble..
and my body cries.
this burng inside.

it's finally thrusday!!and that means tomorrow's friday!and that means i'm happy happy!!!well,excited not happy jus yet. =)) well,i'm jus real excited!!FINALLY!!it's the weeeeekend soooon!!!yes yes yes!but i haven slep..much.haha

My girl, she's bare back rider
And my girl,she's lady godiva
She's a full time love no mon ami
Sweeter than honey from a honeybee
And it all rubs off on little old me,oh

My girl, she smokes barbed wire
And my girl,can't get no higher
I made it with the lady and a one track mind
Diamonds in the rought,they're so hard find
Day after day,the same old grind.

my girl-aerosmith.

breathe

2006-06-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

it's one plus here and i'm hella bored.
-___-

i read,HA.anger consumes one and it takes over your body..ou blame it on the most stupid things really.i dont get you.know what?i'm this close to sayg forget it.whatever you want.

fuckd up family i have.
it's makg me bored.hahaha.

goodbye,goodnight.

i miss you.
hurry hurry already!

wait a min

2006-06-11T09:49:00.000-07:00

-
actually i don really have much to say..today was raing like fuck.haha.so i ended up waitg for fatty sefton yeo to wake her ass up..haha.which wasn such a bad thing cause she didn get up THAT late..heh.we went own to hang out with roy and finish up sefton's tattoo..ol skoool shit man hers.haha.then i did roy's..it kep bleeding and i was nervous at first..she kep askg me to relac cause she could feel my hand shaking..haha.i guess it has to be like that the first time right!HA.

you know,it's not that i don have time for you.can you get it.you'r the one who's always coming up with someth.you always have your own shit to do.i'm don cussing at you or dissing you.you jus dont seem to appreciate what you had..have.i dunno if i should be using present tense.you dont give the feeling that you jus wanna hang out.you say go gym,i wait for you the whole time..you never even msg me when you got back.you jus carry on.what you did to me,it's coming back to you.i cant always be waitg for you to be free.really.you know it.if it makes you jealous then it's jus too bad cause i dont see you tryg to fix anyth honestly.you always wanna stay in,do this,do that.i have my own set of people too you know.i dont hate you..you know?i still care a great deal bout you..but you jus keep walkg away all the time.you wanna do this,you wanna do that.i cannot go to your side and jus pass you someth cause you want it.you dont need it please remember.i get fuckg annoyed when you say you NEED it.you want it ok.jus say it.you'r spoilt.that's the bottom line.

all things fall into place,
my heart it feels so safe.

i cant wait =)

dear dear,

2006-06-10T10:38:00.000-07:00

many nights i pray,
i dunno how long one can stay.
we hold on to someth we fear,
still,the pain,makes me smile.

cause i know it'l fall soon.
right back into my arms.it's jus time,
time will tell me.
a soft whisper into my ear,
to say it'l be ok.
someway.

much drama these few days..i'v been occupying myself with meaningless things like hanging in gardens and being a total bum.but i'm having fun at it..i'm actually getting goood at this!HAHA.oh well,simran's back from m'sia.goood!
i'm so bored at home now!i caught the match down in gardens =)

had dinner with retarded matilda SEFTON.haha,it makes her sound better..i think matilda's jus a funny name.we ate at sticky rice..HA.
with spencer,late as usual..we walked over to "i love happy days" and they obviously had no space..i didn really fancy the idea of sittin in a pub..so we caught the match at liquid kitchen..but i spent alota the time stong cause the fuckg tv was so small!HAHA.but i enjoyed it =)

matilda got all excite and decided she wanted to get inked.so roy did it.
and...THAT'S IT.that's my boring yet kinda fun day.

gooodbye for now.
jus,breathe.

this is taking waaaay to long.

2006-06-08T22:54:00.000-07:00

we trace the sun across the sky,
and we laugh till we cry.
these are times we miss,
so wake up.

let's see,i hung out with roy,simran matilda and leona yesterday.we were hella bored..playg uno.HAHA.and it was rainging..the rain's pouring again this lazy friday.everyday seems to get longer..i was whining my ass off to spencer and andrea yesterday.i hope they didn mind me being an asshole.HAHA.
DAMN,see..this is what perioding and so many fuckg miles away from you does to me.HO HO HO.

anyways,you seem to be getting better.and i do mean it when i say you'r spoilt.you dont say you need when you want.really,it'l irritate the shit outta people.you'r still not one fixing your problem mind you. =) but you'r getting at it i guess.you'r different from before.i jus had to say it cause i realised it yesterday.._____ did her tattoo.i hope you think it's coool.HAHA.
i hope i get to do roy's one today.so funn.i cant wait.then i'l do mine.FINALLY.ya right..HAHA.

"with you it's never goood enough,
cause you want the stuff that can change your future.
it's ok,you never seem to try.
it's too early,
it's time to ride."

i feel like i'm wasting my days,sleeping at crazy hours and wakg up so early!and i cant get back to sleep,so i get up and try to study..even then,i'm very very distracted!VAI LIKE THAT LA.i'm losing myself completely..it's makg me mad.whine and whineeeeee.i'm gonna go down and meet roy.

bev!HURRY BACK ALREADY.when is it?YOU!don wanna get your ticket earlier!!see laaa =(( you gonna make everyone wait another million years!HAHA.well,come outta the coffin already. =)

"jus to make it through"
i heard them say,it's so hard to notice..what passes by when you seee her broken heart,it never seems to change.
until you return home then =)

east coast

2006-06-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

If you marry me,would you bury me?
Would you carry me to the end?
HAHA.

ahhh,it's bearly beeen a day and i'm already missing you real bad!i did your mail hurry up and read it..i screamed to the sky and told the world i love you..did you hear me?HAHA.anyways,i hope you have a ball of fun there!vesace palace and all that,baby sounds like you'r gonna have a wonderful time!jus dont forget i'm still back here wait'g up for you. =)

i haven't touched my phone i only got one msg today and it was from simran.HAHA.oh well,i'l have to make up stuff to do and go hang out with the usual..so many things to do.still have to buy bloody gumm.HA.

"Don't wanna let go of the feelings we share
So baby,go slow.

Our hearts beating fast,and my body cries
I want it to last,it's burning inside
We're getting deeper"

and then we kiss-
britney spears.

i love this song!HA.
okay i'm really bored of the stupid computer.
bye.

666 baby!

2006-06-05T22:30:00.000-07:00

Your ________,they strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all that wants,and all that needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

so wreckless.
so paint your face.
maybe a darker shade of red?

you know,sometimes i think you jus dont treasure what you have.maybe cause you have too much or someth.i dunno,you cannot expect everyone to be here waitg on you constantly..it's not like i'm forcing myself to be busy..but you don seem to be putting anyth into it really.i'm not the only one who shares this opinion.i mean,you have them,it's fine.but don make it seem like i have no time for you.cause i do,i have all the time..but you never have it.you cant blame it on my school..you have school too.not on her,i'm not putting her down..i already made it clear.really know,you have to prioritise your time!you'r always lazy,ot this show to watch,this thing to do,wanna stay in.you don even talk..can you feel the distance?cause we can feel it.you keep sayg you wanna fix it..then when i try to help you you say you'r not that kinda person..it's seriously no fuckg excuse you know.i'm not scolding you..i just have to tell you.someth's up.this time,YOU fix it.if you'r gonna say sorry,show it.

Over To You Now by Britney Spears"

my parents left to canada this morninggg.YAY.hahaha,but i got my period.ugh shit..heh.my week jus started but i know i'm gonna have a really boring one..with my parents gone!and lovely's gonna be away too..DAMN.how come I dont have stupid holidays tooo!hahaha,anyways,i'm bored.gonna watch tv..i hope i catch the omen today!

high on a hill,the birds sing her song.
sent you her will but she got it all wrong.
she never knew bout all your lies..and your stupid alibis.
the lines got torn,before she went..she'd see you crawl.

I see your face reminding me of a higher place.
Everytime you smile,angels fly
Everytime you walk on by..

i cant

2006-06-03T22:58:00.001-07:00

of the stars,of this galaxy dancing
when it feels like my dreams are so far,
sing to me all the plans that you have for me over again.

"i lay my head back down,and i lift my hands and pray to be only yours.i pray to be only yours,i know now you'r my only hope"

i had a shitty night,and a shitty morning.hardly had any fuckg sleep.how can you sleep when someth keeeps botherg you?i haven had this kinda fuckd up feeelg in a hella long time.i don wanna have problems with you.you'r jus ifferent.and i'm not bored or whatever.i suck timing.i suck at this so bad.WHAT 'M i to dooo???really.you jus tell me what you want from me and i'l do it.jus dont let it go so easily..it's too stupid.really.fuckg stupid.and i wish it didn happen.i wish i didn do it.so FUCKED UP.

is anybody listeng?
can they hear me when i call?

i cant

2006-06-03T22:58:00.000-07:00

i'l try to get to you

2006-06-03T11:34:00.000-07:00

there's jus no one who gets me like you do.
broken,this fragile thing now..
"here i go,so dishonestly leave a note.for you my only one.
and i know you can see right thru me."

so fuckd up.i dunno how i spoilt it like that.it's like mixing two wrong chemicals.so stupid..and i knew i shouldn have.but i did it.but i didn know i did it!and yea,it's my fault.i know,i'm not sayg i'm right.i'm not,
i know it.

noth,

you can get what you want.

2006-06-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

roll with the BIG dawg.
loosen up my buttons babe.
hahahahaha.

ogay,MOS wasn that great.damn.hahahaha,i had major shitty day the day after..who cares.HA.i'm not really in the mood to blog now..but oh well.
if someone said three years from now you'd be long gone,I'd stand up and punch them up cause they're all wrong.I know better,cause you said forever and ever
Who knew?

anyways,i spoke to my aunt yesterday..she's so nice =)) i hope i do well and she'l give me the chair!!HAHA.ogay,it's not jus any chair ok!you wouldn get it..nevermind -____-

diamonds are forever.
i'mma get readyy =)
it's DARE.

get it,

2006-05-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

i'm here.it's so late and i'm so bored.
yea i had a lovely weekend =) well,sorta.haha,i went for mass today!OMG,ugh.but it did pay attention..bloody matilda keep makg me sing the songs..and there was this one part the priest said "we are one with god" so i said yea,we are ONE with the FORCE!HAHA.and i got a weird look.HAHAHA.

i'mma spill your motherfuckg brains onto the fuckg floor.it's bad enough you say shit bout her sister.but when you even mention her?I'L KILL YOU.you fucker..i see your face this tuesday i swear i wont show mercy.i dunno why you guys are so full of shit in your head an all over your sick body that you have to do this to teh o.what the FUCK did she do to you first?i mean,if you fuckg wanna say shit to her,why dont you say it to her face too?HUH.fuck,she got sister,so?!she has TWO.go la,fuckg go say some more.you watch.they dont do anyth i'l do shit.i hope i see your sick faces on tuesday,i make sure all of you who say shit bout her and teh o get to eat shit too.you think you fuckg sec5 means big fuckg fuck alr?PLEASE,abusing it is jus disgusting.so please use your fuckg brains.so what if she got in trouble and you'r oh so fuckg happy?fuckg keep your infected mouth shut.and her being catholic is none of your fuckg business.everyone sins.and you'r doing it in your thoughts too.i hope one of you reads this.HAHAHA.anyways,whatever with you mother fucker.and the one talkg bout her can DIE ALSO.fuckers.

like a growing target on my
back, i feel the knives are chasing.see,my eyes are no longer blind.there is a purpose in life today.
destroying you every step of the way.
from this point on,no more friends.i know my role in this
world.so what if i don't fit in your fucking world?

bleeeding through-This is Love this is Muderous
nice =)

perfect music for my moood.haha.
i'm gonna have a very interesting week i see..i see.
yea,i do.

'stay with me,lay with me now.
every second i'm without you i'm a mess.
let's sleep until the sun burns out.

contemplate my fate

2006-05-22T08:42:00.000-07:00

i'm doing bev's mail now and eatg m&ms =)) heh.

let my wings unfold,
lie in my bed with these thought running thru my head,
thru it all,you'l offer me protection..alota love and affection.
where ever this road'l take me,you wont forsake me.
i'l always be blessed.

uh oh,i finished the chocolate!damn..let's see,i was supposed to watch da vinci yesterday but they only had seats in the front row,and i hate the front row!HATE IT.i woke up so so early before..laze ard.haha.so i'mma book the stupid tickets..stupid show.HAHA.it better be gooood!!

i'm so darn glad he let me try it again, 'cause my last time on earth i lived a whole world of sin.I'm so glad that i know more than i knew then.Gonna keep on tryin' till i reach the highest ground.will you help?help me
Into my life you were injected,not something that i expected.Now i smile from your affection,we have made a soul connection just for whom does your bell toll.Don't be cold,show me your soul.

gonna get off,i'm tired.
i know you hate it,i hate it for you

what's the point

2006-05-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

i wanted you to know,i love the way you laugh.
i kep this photograph,i know it serves me well.
i dont feel right,when you'r gone..

you know,i was jus thinkg on my way back today..if there werent any police..and no law.then how will we all be judged for what we do wrong?or do wethink weshouldn be judge..but when someth bad happens to us,we have to blame someone..or makethe person pay for it.yea?so how?who would we be to judge?i dunno.

When someone said count your blessings now.For they're long gone,I guess I just didn't know how I was all wrong.They knew better,still you said forever and ever
Who knew?

always

2006-05-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

gooooooood morning to me.
heh,i'm having lunch but i jus got outta bed an hour ago..so fuckg tired!yea so i went to cocco yesterday..met leona,clifford.(HEH)and!i didn even know spencer was gonna turn up!it was a nice suprise..haha.It was alright..been such a long time since i'v gone clubbing!o's coming..and clubbing is beginning to bore me..maybe it's cause cocco is so so so small!!omg there's this ciggy that's damn nice..it's super strong but it feeels super light..!and it's all black..cherry..i cant remember..i could smell it without smokg it!HAHAHAHA.

you think it's weird to conform to how ppl behave?jus cause you know they'l probably judge you or feeel inferior to you..you think?i dunno..maybe that's why some people are so two faced..ok i'm jus tired i dunno what i'm talkg bout.hopefully itkinda makes sense.HAHA.

sometimes it's fuckd up how you always seem to be stuck with _____ it's not annoyg me jus that you don listen to me then you ask me all sorts of madass questions.hahaha,you need to manage your thingy right ah miss SIMRAN KAUR.HAHAHA.

ah FUCK,i think i jus caught a cold -____- jus cause i took my bath and got lazy to dry my hair.shit shit SHIT.NOOOOO.i hate flu..i think it's the worse thing to have..it's so so so so sooooooooooo annoyg!BLOODY FOOOK.whoa,today really feels like a lazy sundayy..lazy lazyy.
DAMN,my parents jus got back. O.o oh hell.

LISTEN TO : Nightmares on Wax - Les Nuits
it's sex/ =) HAHA

well,i'm gonna go out for my lazy lazy sunday down to gardens to hang out with matilda and simran..i wonder if anyone else will come.this IS boring.

-
these marks left on me like scars,
somehow seem so beautiful to me.
these steps we take,
leave me wonderg how much more times she'l fake,
a smile,a laugh,
i wonder how long someone can lie,
jus to keep someth to precious.
can you?
i would hate to hear another lie.yea i would.

i'd take it all in and speak my mind,
then i'l shooot myself and let it go.
thank you,for death.
-

calling you

2006-05-19T22:21:00.000-07:00

There's a strangest excitement today.If you're awake then you're welcome to hear I've got a gift and it blew me a way from the far eastern sea straight to here.Oh God I feel like I'm in for it now..Its like the rush has gone straight to my brain but my voice is as lonely as loud as I whisper a joy of this pain.

today todayy...i'm heading out to cocco latte at nigh for..crush?i think that's what it's called.gg with leona and geri..dunno if vl will come..really hope she does.and spencer!HO HO HO.

i dunno why you irritate me so..sometimes you drive me up the wall.i wanna punch you and scream but as the same time i dont wanna say anyth.how come everyth has to be so complicated?and energy-eating.it's eatg into my soul..HEH.

get it on the floooor!
your ass gotta goooooooo.
freak to this mutha fukkaa.HAHAHA.

i had prata last night with simran and fish..and roy and fred.
wait,i jus had a drink.heh.
ok,i'mma leave nowww.have to do some stuff.

who hates this template!!

move move move

2006-05-19T01:49:00.000-07:00

you know,i dunno how to use this...HAHAHA.
bloody blogshit.
ahhh,i'l get used to it.

so,
songs made of whispers silent screams like a choral of the dead needles prick the softest skin and the breeze screams bloodlust these eyes gazing over the hilltops burning red the night skies seem to follow me blanketing me with crowds of grey and black the crowd of the damned screams eyes shown red raise the dead the breeze screaming over the whispers in the dark setting the leaves in sway hanging there like a body from the raftors smiling back at me they wait in eager circles for me to stagger into the darkness these images that i have seen they still burn inside of me.

very nicely put.

teh o!happy kinda late barfday!HAHAHA.
=D

this is weird..i don really like the template..so gay.HAHA.OH WELL,
yesterday,i was on my way home..and this couple were having a BIG BIG BIG tiff!and it was so weird..cause the guy was like "it's pass 12!i still need to go home and rest,you go out and take a cab home yourself!"i thought that was mean..so i walked all the way home,and at my streeet(which is one entire street away from them),i could still hear them!the girl was screamg and the guy shouted like hell.."cheeeeeeebye laa!"whoa man.HAHAHA.I dunno if i should'v felt sad or to laugh..it was kinda funny..but but but!guys shouldn beat girls..ever!

thanks dough for helpg mee..i know i'm a fussy pussy but ahhhh.HAHA.it looks like it's gonna rain!sort yourself out and manage yourself first..then you can attend this very silly mistake you made.it's ok =) we live so near,i forgive you for being a crazy kid.HAHAHA.where's my breakfast!YOU BLUFF.always SLEEEEPG!hahahahahaha.

one last chance for redemtion,take it while it lasts cause we all know it'l end.
honestly,tell me.
Story of my life,Searching for the right but it keeps avoiding me.Sorrow in my soul,cause it seems that wrong really loves my company.do i feel the same way too?

2006-05-19T01:03:00.000-07:00

a new place for thoughts,
created by dougnut.
a new place to dwell,
on the wonder of life.

haha simran here and this is chris's new blog.

now learn of love,
now learn of life,
now learn of me,
now learn of my tales.
now listen to words,
now listen to sounds.
i speak of love,
when i think of you.

-lets welcome our lives